Wednesday, October 14, 2009
I remember you calling me your little girl and taking me to school, where I put on my "Egbert" shirt and couldn't wait to go on the slide with you.
Even through the distance, we reconnected briefly, and hearing you say you loved me brought me right back to that slide.
As ironically life got in the way, I never have and never will forget that slide. It's the perfect metaphor for us--I loved feeling supported at the top, and hated the lonely decent without you.
I feel blessed we had that resolution later on, in a time where we were both a little more grown up and had the chance to say what a little girl and young father may not have had the sophisticated words for at the time.
Thankfully, "I love you Egbert" was never too tough to say, and will always be a memory I cherish.
Too late to turn back of course, and that's when we learn our resilience. I too ran away--not from you, but from the fear of losing my daddy again. And here I am, pouring out words I wish I had said before.
You were a fighter, tenacious and unyielding, and I thank you for passing those qualities on to me.
I thank you for life, for my mother who has kept me strong, and for all of those rides on the slides and little moments we shared.
One day, may we meet again on that playground.
I love you, miss you, and am sorry it took so long to put the words to what I've held on to.
Catharsis is healing, God is gracious, and you are loved.
PS
One thing I never got though--why ketchup in the tuna fish?
love,
Egbert
